Welcome to our secret play pen…

We’re Mr & Mrs W a local couple who does’t exactly have a “normal” relationship but we’d be the first to tell you we sure do have the happiest relationship that is enriched in security and safety with each other. 

Our intimate moments aren’t just hidden behind our bedroom doors, on our own they’re in other people’s houses, in public places, at events and in clubs (and by “clubs” we don’t exactly mean the normal kind) 

If there’s one thing we’ve learned since stepping into this world, it’s that most couples don’t just wake up one day and decide to explore the lifestyle…most people don’t even know what “the lifestyle” is.
It just means you have a different lifestyle of a relationship for some it’s kink for others and us; it’s swinging. 

It almost always begins with a conversation somewhere along the way.

Sometimes it’s a quiet whisper in the middle of an intimate moment or cheeky comment over a few cocktails or it’s a bold, slightly nervous conversation out on the front lawn over a coffee.

For us, It was all three.

When we really sat back and reflected on it to write this post, we realised this curiosity didn’t just appear out of nowhere.

Both of us, in our younger years, had explored different parts of our sexuality. There had been moments, experiences, little fantasies that never fully left us… they just quietly sat in the background, hidden and feeling a little shamed. All because we hadn’t found our compatible human for those curiosities to be safe with.

 

But when we came together, our relationship didn’t start there, in fact it started as a very low key friendship, we even kissed once and it wasn’t something we planned to ever do again. But, our conversations grew and our playfulness eventually grew to a committed relationship. 

Our focus was building a secure relationship for both of us. We’ve built it now on connection, trust, passion and a relationship that felt safe, solid, and genuinely fulfilling.

It wasn’t until years later, once that foundation was strong, that those fantasies we had both hidden away started to resurface.

At first, the conversations were light, playful, a little indirect and our conversations were almost like we were both testing the waters without fully diving in, we asked questions like “What do you think about…” and “Have you ever considered…” to see how the other would respond.

We chose carefully to not be too confronting and if we’re being honest, there was a layer of nervousness underneath it.

We wanted to make sure our curiosities didn’t make either person feel uncomfortable, we didn’t want to hurt each other, certainly didn’t want it to change things or invoke insecurity. So we approached it slowly.

The interesting part was, the more we spoke, the more we realised we were both circling the same ideas… just from slightly different angles. There were no gigantic statements of wants it was more like small moments giving more context.

One night in the midst of a hot and heavy session together, Mr W leaned in and quietly whispered the idea of someone else watching… both of our reactions were instant and that’s when we knew we were ready to explore more.

The next day, we talked about it properly and that’s when things started to open up.

We realised it wasn’t just about one idea it was about a shared curiosity to explore something beyond what we had always known.

Not because anything was missing, but because there was something more we could experience together.

We spoke about bringing another woman into our space (Mrs W’s main fantasy), we spoke about being in a room full of other people with the same desires and instead of it creating friction, it actually brought us closer.

From there, curiosity turned into research, at first we turned to Google, then Facebook. We then came across clubs, communities, and spaces that we didn’t even realise existed.

But more importantly, we didn’t just rely on the internet, we reached out and spoke to friends who had experienced the lifestyle. We even sat down with a sexologist to understand the emotional side of things not just the physical and what we found was something we didn’t expect…

People were genuinely open, there was no pressure or expectations, it was just people sharing their experiences, offering guidance, and helping us feel more comfortable in something that initially felt so unknown and somewhat taboo. That support made a huge difference knowing we were coming into a community that was accepting no matter what level you’re at.

Even though we got the green light from the sexologist, our friends, strangers and each other we were still very cautious, we didn’t want to rush anything or go too fast, we constantly checked-in with each other at every point with questions like: 

“How are you feeling about this?”
“Are you still comfortable?”
“Do we keep going or pause here?”

Those check-ins became part of the process.

The whole process of talking about getting involved in this lifestyle felt very exposing and vulnerable for both of us. At times, we found ourselves dancing around the exact words not because we didn’t trust each other, but because we didn’t want to accidentally hurt or trigger insecurity. But every time we pushed through that slight discomfort and spoke openly…it brought us closer.

One thing we were very clear on from the beginning was that we weren’t looking for something better or trying to fix anything.

We were already so happy and fulfilled together, this wasn’t about replacing it was about adding. Which is why so many couples explore the lifestyle.

And that’s something we can’t stress enough, if the foundation isn’t there, this lifestyle will highlight that very quickly. It amplifies everything, which can be incredible and daunting all in one breath.

So we stayed self-aware, we made sure the things we were exploring were turning us towards each other, not away. We spoke openly about insecurities, because ignoring them only gives them power and we removed shame entirely from every conversation.

We reminded each other that we will always come first. 

Eventually, we took that first physical step, we found the OSS club in Sydney, brought our tickets and started the wild ride. And like most first experiences… it was a lot, so much more than we expected. More emotions, more energy and intensity, because we had built that strong foundation beforehand, we were able to navigate it easily.

We talked on the way down about our boundaries, our limits, what we were expecting which helped us both be on the same page on the same day. We expected to take it easy and slow, the night turned into the hottest night of our life.

We started slow together and eventually ended up being in an orgy of 8 people in a room full of other people fucking, touching and exploring one another as you could imagine for a couple who were nervous and not sure what to expect this blew our minds. But getting to that point of being in an orgy was filled with nothing but quiet check-ins and consent with each other upon every kiss and touch. 

That night was the first of many, even now we’re still learning, checking-in, communicating. We’re like any normal human we value trust, honesty and connection with each other above all else. 

This lifestyle hasn’t taken any of that away if anything it’s heightened it but communication is the key which is why we’ve started hosting The Lifestyle Foundations Workshops to help couples explore all of it with a helping hand.